the opposite of sleep
When I was young I would tell my parents, “I can’t sleep; it’s too dark”. And my mom would tell me to just lay still and close my eyes and think happy thoughts so I would have sweet dreams.
In high school (and still) I would have trouble falling asleep without listening to NPR or AM talk radio at a volume just barely audible. So that I could hear voices, but not what they were saying.
When I moved to Chicago, my neighborhood was so quiet at night and I had a hard time adjusting. I would lay in bed and hear…nothing. Except the seconds ticking by on the clock.
And last year I moved to an apartment right by the el. It was two months before I slept the night through.
But tonight everything is just right. It’s not too dark, the train no longer wakes me, I have an audio recording of Dostoyevsky’s “White Nights” at just the right volume, and I’m trying my best to think happy thoughts.
Wide awake. Not a yawn in sight.
